When Are You Getting Married?

By: Chaunte McClure 

Single ladies, if you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times. When are you getting married? By now, the words rolling off someone’s tongue sounds like fingernails across chalkboards in your elementary school classrooms. Like those chalkboards, you want the age-old question to be a thing of the past. While I’m a married woman, I can totally relate. It’s like when people would often ask: When are you having a baby? Are y’all going to have kids? What are y’all waiting on? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! I’m sure many of you want to marry one day; some more than others, and you’d appreciate if family, friends, and colleagues would just wait for the day when you’ll announce that you’re getting married. Better yet, they should just mind their marriage, right?

Why are we so interested in other people’s womb and marital status? Is it merely just a way to strike up a conversation? Just a hello will do and sometimes that is enough.

With the high divorce rate in the United States, people have the right to remain single until they find the right mate. If you matter, you’ll know when they do.

Most of my friends are single and I took some time to chat with one of them about this subject. Here’s what my 42-year-old single friend, “Karen,” had to say about her experience with the dreadful question from inquiring minds.

Q: What annoys you most about being asked when you’re getting married?
A: I feel like the person asking me thinks I am lonely, I am unhappy, I am of age and should be married by now. Perhaps they’re thinking I should be trying to find someone because my time is winding down.

Q: How often would you say you’re asked?
A: I would say that I am asked this question by one person in particular every time we talk and that is the reason I do not talk to her that often, because I get exhausted trying to explain my “singleness.”

Q: Who usually asks?
A: My friends normally ask me this question and they are not married themselves, so go figure. I have older friends in their 50’s that also ask me. ‘Girl, you’re not married yet?’ ‘What are you waiting on?’ ‘You’re going to be too old after a while.’ Well, I have never heard or read anywhere where it states a particular age range when not to get married.

Q: What is your typical response?
A: I am happy exactly where I am in life. I don’t need marriage to complete me and make me happy. Where I am in my life right now is where I need to be for me.

Q: Tell us about a time when it made you sad or mad?
A: I was at a point when I was going through some major changes in my life and at the time I thought I needed a man to complete me and make me happy, so I became anxious. I found someone and it was the worst thing I could have ever done to myself. I did not allow him to find me. In Proverbs when a man finds a wife he finds a treasure, so I am waiting.

Q: Why do you think it’s inappropriate to ask?
A: I think that it is inappropriate to be questioned about it because it is the same as asking someone who does not have children when they are going to have a baby. It is none of your business and it is not in my control.

Q: I have to ask, why are you still single?
A: I am single because I know for a fact I am not ready to date yet…when I am ready, He will send him.

Are you guilty of asking your friends when he’s gonna put a ring on it? Are you the friend who is tired of being asked? Let me hear from you.

What Do the Lonely Do?

By: Chaunte McClure

It’s deemed the most wonderful time of the year, with the kids jingle belling and everyone telling you be of good cheer. But what do the lonely do at Christmas? I know, the holiday season has passed, but there are women who suffer from loneliness this time of year heart-ribbonbecause they don’t have a mate, yet they want one.

Many single women (and probably men too) don’t like to be alone on Christmas or ring in the New Year solo. I’m sure it doesn’t help when they have to scroll through Facebook or
Instagram images of others celebrating with the one they love. And the icing on the cake, or the insult to injury, is probably seeing the relationship status changes from single to engaged. Yep, I saw quite a few engagement announcements on my timeline last week.

Those lonely feelings will subside for a few weeks, but with Valentine’s Day right around the corner, they’ll return. I remember those days of wishing I had someone, hoping he’d come along soon, wondering when he’d come, and imagining what he’d be like. I think it’s normal, unless something was wrong with me that I wasn’t aware of at that time. (Please, don’t say it aloud if you think so.)

So what do the lonely do at Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day? My advice: Love and enjoy yourself and the people you currently have in your life. I know, easier said than done, but there is no need to feel sorry for yourself, become jealous of others’ relationships or subconsciously get mad because you don’t have one.

I’m certainly no expert on this. I’m just reflecting on what it was like for me, and sharing my thoughts and experiences in hopes of helping you.

One day your status may change. While you wait, prepare for that lucky guy.

Let me hear from you. Are you single? Not dating anyone? Lonely? What do you do during the holidays?

By the way, Happy New Year!