Kids Say the Darndest Things…

By: Shannon Shull

We all know that kids indeed can say the darnedest things. And us parents and teachers certainly experience our share of interesting situations when we react with either chuckles, body shaking laughter or complete, speechless horror at what we hear come out of kids’ mouths!

Over Spring Break, I had the pleasure of experiencing this sort of thing at its height. My precious children never cease to amaze me with their brilliant minds. Sometimes their 9 and 7 year old ways of thinking truly astound me–in all sorts of ways. I thought I’d share just two occurrences with you fabulous readers–it’s sure to make you giggle, laugh out loud or at least smile!

Wild Times with My Wild Ones...

So one night my 9 year old, angel girl Miss Mina, had climbed into bed with me at some point in the wee hours of the night and she promptly woke up way too early. I opened my eyes to this precious lil’ blonde fairy child staring right into my face, literally about an inch away from my nose. As soon as my eyes opened, that was her cue – Yay! Mommy’s up! Her mouth immediately went into overdrive. As we snuggled, the stories and questions went on and on. (This is one of those times as a parent when you really wish you could get video footage!) One of her topics of discussion was, “If you could have ten wishes for life, what would they be?” I struggled to make my brain operate at 6 a.m., knowing that not only had she awoken me, but she’d also woken up the dog too, who was itching to go out to do his business. So one of my ten wishes was, “I wish pets never had to pee or poop.” This naturally prompted a ‘kids say the darnedest things’ moment…my Mina’s immediate response, with total serious concern, was “But Mommy, their butts would explode!” ☺ Oh let me tell ya, I was awake then! I started laughing so hard, she couldn’t help but laugh with me, though she was still very concerned about these pets whose butts would explode if they never peed nor pooped. This led to a discussion, led by her of course, about how animals would just look too weird without their pee pee parts and as she put it, without butt cracks. I had to explain to her that with my wish, the pets would still have all their body parts and look the same, their insides would just be such that they’d never have to go potty, and therefore we’d never have to clean up their messes! Wouldn’t it have been totally priceless to have had a video or recording of that conversation!

My kids certainly say the darnedest things!

Now moving on to my 7 year old son, Sawyer. Now there’s a kid whose personality and “ways” will keep you on your toes! He can be shy, overly sensitive and nearly impossible in one moment and a total ham the next. Over Spring Break my Mina was sick and required a visit to the doctor. We had about an hour and a half before the doctor could see us, so I decided to utilize that time to take Sawyer to get a much needed hair cut. We went to Snip Its, which my child usually LOVES. On this particular day, he decided a haircut was the last thing in the world that he wanted to do and he proceeded to torture me during the entire experience. Pouting, moaning, groaning, tears, the whole bit, and all while my precious Mina was feeling absolutely terrible with fever and an awful stopped up head. So I did the ‘Mommy tap dance’ to try to keep everyone happy and tried to convince the stylist that my boy really isn’t a total pisspot all the time.

We survived the haircut experience and Sawyer looked incredibly handsome. Well, he must’ve picked up on the fact that he really did like his haircut because some way, somehow, by the time we got back to the doctor’s office and were sitting in the examine room, Sawyer had turned into a confident, wild comedian. And I’m not kidding, this kid WAS ON! I’m talking, constant fart noises, bouncing around, jokes and all. Fortunately the doctor was a friend of mine that I cheered with in high school, who has young children of her own, so she kept reassuring me that it was ok every time she saw the look of embarrassment on my face. I seriously thought I was going to have to duct tape Sawyer to a chair in order to get him to chill – that is how “ON” he was. So here’s one of my kids having to endure her throat being swabbed and a long q-tip stuck into her nose up to what seemed like was too close to her brain to test for flu – and we all know that is NOT fun! And my angel girl was the most amazing patient ever. The child did not even cry! I think I would have cried had it been me! I was utterly amazed at my child.

Well after experiencing that, feeling terrible, and then adding Sawyer’s wild antics to the picture, let’s just say, Mina was about ready to kill her brother…literally. Mina declared, “I wish I was an only child! Mommy, I’m mad at your tummy for making Sawyer!” I proceeded to look up at my doc friend and under my breath say, “Well, it wasn’t my tummy that’s responsible for making the kid.” Of course supersonic, wild man Sawyer didn’t miss a beat, and he declares, “Yea, it’s your pee pee’s fault! I came out of your pee pee!” followed by a mischievous, evil laugh…… my oh my, yep, the body shaking laughter followed after that one. The doctor literally about fell out of her chair! Even Mina was laughing. It was the pinnacle of it all, after all his poot noises and other silly antics, and proved to be one of those moments in which the only thing you could do was laugh! Oh and let me tell ya, Sawyer knew he’d pulled a good one; I thought the kid might even bow or something! He followed suit with inappropriate declarations of where he thought babies came from. Yea, it got bad – I had to stifle the laughter something fierce and kick into threatening Mommy mode to get the kid to hush. I felt awful for the people outside waiting – all these sick people who feel terrible and they’re having to hear us all cutting up and laughing in the examining room, not cool! And it doesn’t end there!

We get Mina’s diagnosis – which was NOT good – she tested positive for the flu! ☹ The doctor walks us out of the room, everyone is watching us of course, probably wondering what in the heck was going on or ready to pummel us for seeming to be having way too good of a time with all the wildness and laughter. I have my Mina tell the doctor thank you and she does so with total, polite sweetness. Then I look over at Sawyer, who’s standing there looking down, already playing a game on his Kindle, and I tell him to apologize to the doctor for being such a wild child. He immediately looks up, all wide eyed with a crazy face and simply yells “Weiner!” and then goes right back to his game. Yep, my son, in front of EVERYONE. In response to my request that he say he was sorry, he looks right up at the doctor and yells the word “weiner.” No kidding. Even the sick people waiting laughed at this one. It was unbelievable. I will never, ever forget that moment. As a mother, it’s one of those unforgettable experiences with your children that you will remind them of for years and years to come! If only I had had a video of the whole thing, it would’ve been YouTube gold! I could’ve won tons on America’s Funniest Home Videos!

Once we finally escaped to the car, even Mina, with her 101.9 fever and aches, declared that she felt better from all the laughing! I tell ya, you can’t write this stuff. It was really just one of those days in which I felt like I was living out a comedy sitcom or had to have been on a hidden camera show or something. It was one for the memory books, for sure! So to conclude, YES indeed, kids say the darnedest things! ☺

In an ode to this subject, I thought I’d share some videos that you are sure to enjoy. Most of you will probably remember the television show hosted by Bill Cosby back in the late 90s, Kids Say the Darnedest Things. He drew inspiration and showed clips from the classic Art Linkletter show, Art Linkletter’s House Party. These clips are fantastic! Enjoy! And please do share with me any of your own experiences in which you’ve been around a kid that said the darnedest things!