“Becoming”

By Shannon Boatwright

Michelle Obama said it and said it really well when she was asked by Oprah why she named her book Becoming

41eRuKxPb3L._SX327_BO1,204,203,200_ “Becoming just summed it up. A question that adults ask kids – I think it’s the worst question in the world – is “What do you want to be when you grow up?” As if growing up is finite. As if you become something and that is all there is. I don’t know what the next step will be. I tell young people that all the time. The truth is, for me, each decade has offered something amazing that I would have missed out on so much. So I’m still becoming, and this is the story of my journey.”

This is taken from Oprah’s magazine, the December 2018, Volume 19, Number 12 Edition.

I enjoyed reading this article so much. So much because I could relate to her whole point of “becoming”.  As individuals, we’re always learning, growing, experiencing, gaining new interests and passions – becoming a different and hopefully better version of ourselves as time goes by.

It’s wild…I certainly never thought I’d relate to a first lady, but the truth is, being a teacher right now at this point in my life’s journey, I catch myself saying to every class I teach, “I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! And that’s ok.”

As a Drama teacher, an exploratory teacher, I teach well over 100 students every day, every 9 weeks. With each new class, I have them fill out a questionnaire that is all about them and their favorites, along with a few extra questions, including, what do you want to be when you grow up. It’s my special way of getting to know each student and hopefully find an opportunity to relate to them on some level and connect them to each other via their favorites and possible similarities.

BUT, I always make sure to make it very clear that their favorites will change – possibly from week to week or even day to day, as well as ‘what they want to be when they grow up’ will change and that is totally ok!

I always share my own stories as I attempt to connect with my students…

When I was in elementary school and a Brownie (similar to a Girl Scout), I was on the Mr. Knozit Show – our very own South Carolina, WIS TV show starring Joe Pinner. My Brownie troop went and I was lucky enough to actually get to talk to Mr. Knozit!  And guess what… he asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I immediately responded with excitement and pride, “I want to be a dancer!” He responded with, “Oh, like Fred Astaire!?” I looked at him like he was crazy and quickly responded with, “No, like Leroy, from Fame!” Very telling of the times – it was the early 80s after all. It was quite the comical moment looking back – I’ll never forget the look on his face as he looked confused and then quickly went on to the next kid.  A great sitcom moment actually. Anyways, at that point in my life, more than anything in the world, I wanted to be a dancer and if anyone asked me, that was always my response.

Until…I saw the 1986 movie, Space Camp.  Upon seeing that movie, my sights changed dramatically. More than anything, I wanted to be an astronaut! I was so inspired by that movie, it changed everything for me. I became so passionate and serious about wanting to be an astronaut when I grew up, that my parents saved up money and actually sent me to Space Academy in Huntsville, Alabama. It was the summer after 7th grade and I thought I was the coolest kid EVER. I was going to the real Space Camp and I was going to be an astronaut just like the characters in the movie.  So I get there, I’m totally enthralled and thought every aspect was out of this world super cool. I got to experience similar things that I saw in the movie. I was able to get into a contraption that simulated walking on the moon, simulate different missions into outer space, build rockets and…well, let’s just get right to the point and say that although it was a priceless experience I’ll never forget, after two weeks of hardcore space training, I discovered really quickly that I was not good at science and math. Definitely not my strong suits! I was good at making friends, collaborating and “pretending” to be a science and math wiz.  In fact, I was smart enough to pinpoint the really intelligent kids and make sure to partner with them so I could have a successful mission and do well! But by the end of that two weeks, I instantly knew that I no longer had any desire to be an astronaut. But I did know that I wanted to “act” like an astronaut. Now that was intriguing! THAT was something I could do. 😉 Yea, let’s just say that apparently it was the acting in that good ole Space Camp movie that was really igniting the passion within me.

My students of course get a kick out of hearing those stories. And they inevitably always ask me tons of other questions, including why I left Los Angeles if it was acting that I wanted to do. I go on to tell them that my time in L.A. taught me so many amazing things. Though I went out there with the sole purpose of acting, I learned that I had other talents that I was passionate about, along with acting.  I discovered that I loved to produce and direct. I discovered a deeper joy for writing. I discovered that I also enjoyed other jobs within the entertainment industry, besides acting. By chance, I literally fell into entertainment reporting & interviewing, and I absolutely loved it! I realized I was pretty darn good at it. I was intrigued by the challenge of the research and the opportunity to talk with and interview celebrities, sports stars and big wigs in showbiz. Along with acting, this gig, was right up my alley, was so amazing, paid incredibly well and was just flat out super cool.  In my wildest dreams, I would’ve never thought I’d move to California and end up doing a job like that.

And this is when my students REALLY start to question why in this world I’d ever leave that dream gig and move back to SC. Well, another passion in my heart and soul was that of becoming a mother. It meant more to me than any celebrity interview or starring role. So when I became pregnant with my firstborn, I was all about being a Mom. My students don’t really get that and they won’t until they become parents themselves.  But it’s all a fine example of “becoming”.

The definition of becoming is ‘the process of coming to be something or of passing into a state.’  As humans, we indeed transform, we grow, we evolve.  And if we’re lucky enough to recognize and respect the evolution of our self, our becoming, we can live such full, incredible lives!

When asked what she wanted to be when she grew up, my angel daughter, Mina, in her toddler years, would say she wanted to be a fairy godmother.  My angel boy, Sawyer, would say he wanted to be Spiderman. They were both very serious about that too. But of course since their preschool days, they’ve moved towards other aspirations. I’ll never forget being at my daughter’s IGP meeting with her middle school guidance counselor where they help figure out what high school courses to take.  The lady asked my girl what she wanted to be when she grew up. Mina had a look of panic in her eyes – she didn’t know! I could tell she wanted to scream it and declare that there were lots of things she wants to do and be. But nowadays the schools want to forge a path for these kids and in order to do that, they always ask that lovely, sometimes dreaded question, as if they have to decide now and stick to it forever.  So I reassure my own children and my students that what we want to be when we grow up changes as we evolve and experience more things in life, and THAT IS OK!

I have a true passion for teaching and hope to have the opportunity to do so, in some form, for the rest of my life. It fills my heart to inspire others and open their minds, so I’m very proud to call myself a teacher. Does that mean that is the finite thing that I want to be when I grow up? Absolutely not. I will continue to grow, to transform, and God willing, use my gifts and talents as I evolve. I am becoming.

Advice for all the Momma’s that have kids leaving for college

By June Headley-Greenlaw

I wanted to share some advice in this blog for all the parents that just moved their kids into college.  I feel like having taught a freshman orientation class at the University of South Carolina for 14 years and having moved two of my own children into college; I may have some insight.

Here are some things you should encourage your new college student to do:

  • Have them get to know their instructors early in the semester.
    • Go visit instructors at the beginning of the semester, don’t wait until you need them
    • Visit them during office hours and introduce yourself and let them know how important their class is to you.
    • Instructors are people too and they are teaching for a reason.  Most of them want to guide students and they enjoy getting to know them.
  • Take stock of all the resources available to students.  Most campuses offer Supplemental Instruction (SI) sessions for classes they have identified to be particularly difficult for students.  There may be free tutoring available.
  • Advise your child to make use of as many meal swipes as possible.  If they don’t have time for a meal, go get some fruit, chips, granola bars or whatever else might be offered that you can take in your book bag to class with you or back to your room for a late night snack.  You’ve already paid for it!
  • Have your student do a “schedule at a glance”.  Print out blank calendars and fill in all assignments from each syllabus so that you can see now where your trouble spots will be and prepare for them.  This is an assignment I gave to all my freshman and many of them verbally thanked me for forcing them to get it done.
  • familyRemind them often to use good judgement.  Moving away from home is tough and there are a lot of pressures in their first year.  It’s easy to get caught up in activities that they don’t realize may be detrimental to them later.  I often used the phrase in class “remember decisions you make today could affect the rest of your life”.  I meant that very literally and gave them examples.  The decision tonight to have unprotected sex could lead to an unexpected pregnancy and could change the rest of your life.

Remind yourself not to be hurt if they don’t call often.  They will be extremely busy getting acclimated, making friends, and doing all the things for themselves that you would normally do for them.  They still love you.  They are just doing their best to show you that they are all grown up!

When Birds Make Plans

This month, we are introducing our new bloggers not only with their posts, but with a video!

Meet Kate:

By Kate Morrow

It was my very last day of maternity leave and I was determined to make the most of it, soaking up every last minute with my twins Jack and Lilly. I had big plans of reading books, snuggling, taking a walk in the stroller to the park, visiting daddy at work and more. And then I heard it. “Tweet, tweet.”

Our scruffy, lovable Beagle, Atticus, who has a personality large than life just went outside and I forgot to close the door. I shut it quickly thinking I heard the bird from outside. I continued to hear, “Tweet, tweet.” And that’s when I realized…

A bird had flown into the house.

He was thrashing about. Atticus was chasing him. It was absolute chaos. Frightened and panicked, I quickly threw everything into the car, babies in tow, and was prepared to drive up the interstate to my in-laws rather than dealing with the bird. I quickly realized, it’s true—

You make plans, God makes other plans.

You see, this has been the metaphor of my life for the past year.

I planned to get pregnant. A year and three rounds of Clomid later, we were finally expecting.

I planned to have a baby. A six week ultrasound revealed we were expecting twins.

I planned on a normal, healthy pregnancy. I went into pre-term labor at 24 weeks and spent 4 weeks on bedrest.

 I planned to keep my babies inside of my womb as long as I could. I went into for-real-this-time labor and delivered them at 28 weeks, 3 days gestation and we spent 76 days in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

I planned to live a life as normal as possible when we were discharged. We were discharged a week before the worst influenza season in history and instead spent 120 days in medical isolation.

I planned to return to work. I instead had to resign from my ten-year career to keep my babies at home and safe through the winter.

I planned a countdown out of isolation and breaking free to our finally happy, normal life.  My father unexpectedly passed away at 68 years old just 17 days before isolation would have been complete.

This past year has been hard and tougher in ways than I ever thought possible. It was dark. It was a lonely journey. It was the year that almost broke me. Yet, it was also the year that also defined me. It was the year that I saw more life and death than I ever thought possible and the year that filled me with purpose. It was the year I grew up in more ways than I ever thought possible.

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The only constant during these times was the persistent urge and calling to do more. To help people. To encourage women like me. To make a difference for babies like Jack and Lilly. To leave a legacy. And that’s exactly what I am doing.

I didn’t plan for this, but I have never been happier or more fulfilled.

And I cannot wait to tell you more about it.

Growing Babies Breaks Momma’s Heart

By Ashley Whisonant

My youngest child, Gray, was born a happy little guy. I had such a smooth delivery with him. I would even venture to say it was easy.

We are coming close to his fourth birthday in the next two weeks. I have mixed emotions about my baby becoming even more of a big boy. He is dying to grow up and do all the things his six year old brother does. I am getting less and less snuggles from him and more independence. It makes me both happy and sad to see him grow up.

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The quote that really stands out is, “Babies don’t keep.”

I will hold onto my baby as long as he lets me.

What’s in a name?

By Jeanne Reynolds

If you’re like most of us, you’ll probably spend more time than usual with extended family this month: aunts, uncles, grandparents, in-laws, parents of old school friends.

Have you ever struggled with how to address them — especially as you get older and are no longer one of “the kids”?

This came up the other day when I stopped by a friend’s football tailgate and the conversation drifted to the topic of their parents — former neighbors of ours — and then on to the names by which we address our in-laws.

I became really intrigued by this, and started a sort of informal survey of other friends and family members. Turns out this is a tricky issue for most of us, and goes beyond family to pretty much anyone a generation older than us. If you’ve spent the first 20 (or more) years of your life calling someone Uncle Joe, it feels weird to start saying just Joe. And if your high school BFF’s mom was Mrs. Smith, how old do you have to be to call her Mary?

In-law nomenclature seems to bring its own set of unwritten rules. If you started out from day one calling your intended’s parents by their first names, no problem. But if they were Mr. and Mrs. Jones when you were dating, when is it OK to segue to Bob and Judy? Does it depend on how long you’ve been married, or your age, or your relationship with them? I’ve been married for almost 25 years, and am just now experimenting with first names for my in-laws. It feels a little odd but seems to be OK. It’s certainly less confusing when there are several Mrs. Reynolds in the room.

I experienced another spin on this generational name-calling last year when a friend’s daughter came to work for me as a summer intern. Like most companies, we’re all on a first-name basis from the president on down, so Mrs. Reynolds wasn’t going to cut it if she wanted to position herself as a capable professional. (Also out: “Yes, ma’am.” Not sure which was harder for her, being a good southern girl.) It was probably even more confusing for her when she went home in the evening. I imagine this:

Her mom: “How was work today?”

My intern: “I got a great new project from Jeanne … I mean Mrs. Reynolds … I mean … oh heck.”

Yes, the names we use for each other do matter. They can indicate respect, professionalism, status and intimacy. It can be annoying when someone takes the first-name liberty inappropriately (think telemarketer) and a slap when someone refuses that permission. And it’s very much a personal preference. An online search found numerous articles offering advice on when it’s appropriate to use first names, but mostly for business situations. When it comes to personal relationships, we’re kind of all on our own.

If in doubt, you could always just ask. More likely than not, most people are just happy to talk with you and really don’t care that much. So don’t be surprised if you hear some version of that old joke: “You can call me whatever you want. Just don’t call me late for dinner.”

 

When Did You Grow Up?

 By: Ashley Whisonant

The day I have been dreading has finally come. My oldest “baby” started kindergarten this morning. I held back my tears and we walked down his hallway and into the room that will mold him into the student he will become. My confident little guy went from attendance check in to lunch choice with ease. He gave me a hug goodbye and sadly did not look back. Here are all the words I wish I could have said…

You will always be my baby. You are the one that made me a mom. I didn’t know how much I could love someone else until I met you. I am a ball of emotions. I am both terrified and overjoyed for you. All the experiences you will have, good or bad, will make you into our future young man. Remember to help others, even when it isn’t the popular choice. Find your voice and use it for good. Kids can and will be mean. Do your best to surround yourself with sweet souls. Remember to be yourself. Love you my sweet boy.

Penny Candy, Souse Meat, Liver Pudding & Bologna

By: Chaunte McClure

Last week I took a trip down memory lane, making a stop at the cinder block pale yellow or beige building on the corner of Highway 908 and what is now Paul Richardson Road. It was one of the mom and pop stores in Britton’s Neck where residents could conveniently buy general grocery items locally, since the nearest grocery store was almost 30 minutes away.

I spent many childhood summer days riding my bicycle to the Richardson Store, as my family affectionately called it. Grandma rarely sent me to buy anything, but I wanted to go sometimes to rack up on penny candy. I shamefully admit that I used to rob my aunt’s Maxwell House jar of the old pennies and other coins she collected in it. (I confessed my theft to her years ago, but it’s not like she hadn’t already figured out why her penny jar was dwindling.) I would take the time to count and wrap those pennies to present them to Ms. Mary or her husband, owners of the Richardson Store, to pay for my penny candy, Now & Laters and other cheap sweets that, over time, contributed to my cavities. I’d buy as much candy as I could for a dollar and share with the other grands at Grandma’s house.

I miss stores like the Richardson’s where you could go to the counter and ask for $2 dollars worth of souse meat, liver pudding or bologna. Let me tell ya, the pan fried bologna cut in the center would make for a good bologna sandwich. I remember for supper some nights we’d have just grits and bologna. It was filling and something quick and easy for Grandma to prepare.

Curious of whether my Facebook friends remember the mom and pop stores, I invited them to share in my nostalgia, posting a related question one night and surprisingly, many of them replied with places in the Columbia area where one can find fresh cut souse meat, liver pudding and bologna. Places like Conwell’s, Caughman’s and Mr. Bunky’s made the list. One day I’ll make a stop at one of those community staples and share my experience with you.

What were some of the mom and pop stores in your community?