Sunsets

By Lisa Baker

Hi everyone.

If you read my last blog post, you know that my Mom passed away within a few days after I wrote it.  She has been gone over a week now. We miss her so much, but we know she is now whole and without pain.  Most importantly, she now has no dementia.

Funerals are not cheap.  I’m sure most of you probably already know this or have had experience with this.  We knew this.

Keep in mind that you most likely will be making these arrangements at a time when you are already very emotional.  I suggest that you don’t go alone.  Take a few trusted family members or close friends with you because they will think of things to ask about that you won’t.

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With every item, ask about the cost and if there is possibly a less costly alternative. The funeral home staff won’t mind you asking lots of questions.  That is what they are there for.

We could have gone cheaper on Mom’s arrangements, but we also could have gone a much more costly route too.  I think we are all very happy with what we picked out for her, and we feel that we went about middle of the road cost-wise.  Her insurance will cover over half of the cost leaving a couple thousand dollars for us to pay.  I would encourage people to check into making your arrangements ahead of time.

Yes, I’m changing the subject a bit, but last night Dad got very aggressive and angry.  He was turning over furniture and yelling.  Staff sent him to the ER after talking with his doctor.  They were checking for a possible UTI or other infection.  I haven’t gotten a report yet.

We decided not to tell Dad about Mom.  I know……I know, many of you will think that is just wrong.  He is far enough along in his dementia that we feel it will only confuse him to tell him.  We also asked staff at his facility what they thought about us not telling him, and they also felt that it was the best decision.  It’s sad.

I’ve got to tell you that for several weeks, Dad has not so much as asked about Mom, but Tuesday after she has passed, he told a staff member that Mom was sitting in the recliner in his room.  Some staff feel that maybe she came to tell him goodbye.  Some think that she may be visiting him and may possibly lead him home with her soon.  I guess only time will tell.

Mom loved “Japanese Cherry Blossom” scented items from Bath and Body Works.  She wore the scent often.  I am living in Mom and Dad’s house now, and there isn’t anything with that scent left in the house.  However, I have smelled that very scent in the house the day after Mom’s service and have smelled it a few times over the last several days.  You may call me crazy if you wish and may even not believe me.  That’s OK, but I know what I smell.  It’s as if she is passing through for a visit or maybe just checking on me. I think it’s a comforting thought and feeling.

I’m cutting my post a little short this time.  I’m still busy writing thank you notes to family and friends that have sent flowers and food during this time.  I’ll be back soon on a regular basis.

Until then, make memories, hug your loved ones, and tell them how you feel.  Have no regrets.  None of us are promised tomorrow.

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2 thoughts on “Sunsets

  1. Lisa your blog is so incredibly honest and heartfelt. I’m sure you and your family did exactly what needed to be done for your Mom. Take care.

  2. I know she loved Japanese Cherry Blossom. I always gave her some of it for Christmas every year. I feel sure she is watching over your dad – she always looked after him. Only God knows when he will join her – and I’m sure he will join her. They were always together. I know that this process has been hard for you, Larry and Chad, but I am equally sure that it has been so very difficult for your mom and dad. It’s just so hard to lose them – especially both of them at once – and you did lose them both to dementia a year ago. I miss them both every day. You have no idea how much they both have meant to me and Michael over the years. I am just so happy that we were able to be with them as much as we were and that they were able to share in our family life. I only hope that I have meant as much to someone as they have meant to me. Love you!

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