By: Chaunte McClure
Last year, after learning that local police found the body of a missing child, I said, “If I ever become a mom, I will give my child countless hugs, kisses and I love you’s.” I still stand on those words, although I sit here without a child in my womb or in my home. I’ve accepted the idea that I may never become a mother. And I think I’m okay with that. I think.
For some couples, deciding to have children is a no-brainer because they mutually agree before even tying the knot. Others want a family, but they’ve had the unfortunate experience of their baby dying in the womb. Some couples are trying to have a child and have spent hundreds of dollars on pregnancy tests that always give them a negative result. Then there are couples like my husband and me who haven’t decided to have children.
Having children has never been a priority and it’s not something I talked about much. But when I did, I got strange looks because I wasn’t saying what people wanted to hear. When you get married, family, friends, and others expect you to have a baby and when you do, they want to know when you’re having another one. When you don’t, they constantly want to know what you’re waiting on.
I know people mean well when they ask, but they tread a thin line. If you’re one of those people who get excited about babies and look forward to couples starting or expanding their family, think before you ask, “When are you going to have a baby?” That very question could trigger a dreadful reminder or lead to frustration, sadness or anger.
Next time you want to ask a woman when she’s having a baby, consider these things:
- She could have had a miscarriage or multiple miscarriages.
- She could be frustrated because she wants to have a baby, but her husband doesn’t.
- She’s been unable to conceive because of health challenges.
- She desperately wants a child, but her spouse has health challenges.
You can pierce the heart of the woman who has experienced any of these situations when you ask her about having a baby. Consider the thin line next time you’re tempted to ask. Besides, it’s a personal decision between a husband and wife.
Before I go, let me acknowledge my familiarity with Genesis 1:28, a scripture that has been shared with me numerous times by those who insist that I have a baby.
Look for more ‘baby talk’ from me soon.