By: Crissie Miller Kirby
I never, ever knew that being a mom would be the complex job that it is. I never knew that I could love two people, who are so totally different, so very much. I also don’t think I ever knew I could get as angry at two people, who are so totally different, so very much, AND to LOVE them, still, when they do make me angry.
I remember times growing up when I wanted kids, then I didn’t, then I did. When I found the person I thought would be my one and only, I wanted to have kids. I wanted a boy and a girl. Well, God (thankfully) saw fit that I did not need a daughter, but instead needed two sons. See, God knew the trials I would face and he knew that, for me, boys would be best. He knew that the ponytails and the wardrobe issues and the high pitched squeals would be far too much for this mama to handle on her own. God knew that the constant motion of two little boys would, at some point, overwhelm my desire to crawl under the rock that felt like it was crashing down on me.
Before I was a mom, I never knew that I could have my heart broken, but still be able to love so much.
I never thought that being pooped on, peed on, and puked on would be something I would just brush aside and deal with instead of totally flipping out, but, I do. It’s amazing how, for some people, just giving birth turns you into a sort of pseudo-nurse who just handles bodily functions, like they were nothing. (Notice, I say some – my mom, LOVE HER, to this day does NOT handle blood well at all. Thank GOD for grandmothers who could handle those types of things.)
You know how, growing up, your parents always seemed to give the “This hurts me more than it hurts you” speech? Yeah, before I became I mom, I thought that was a load of garbage. Now that I’m a mom, I know it’s true. Whether it’s a time out, restriction, or spankings, it seriously hurts you as a parent.
For all of the single moms (and dads, too, who have to be a mom at times), I’m sorry I never thought enough about you or how hard your job was/is. I’m sorry I never respected what you do, day in and day out, until I had to stand in your shoes. Being a single mom was not in my plans, but we’re here and we are surviving and thriving, even if the house looks like a tornado went through it every. single. day. I never knew that you could completely throw caution to the wind and just do whatever you had to do, just because of your kids. Now that I’m a mom, I get it. Come hell or high water, whatever needs to be done, WILL be done, regardless of whether there is any support from the other parent or not.
Before I was a mom, I was never going to have tubes put in my kids’ ears, give them medication for ADHD, or let them sleep in the bed with me. Then, I had kids who had horrible ear infections and I begged for tubes, and you know what? They’re the greatest thing since sliced bread. Then I had a kid who was smart as a whip but had the attention span of a gnat, and I just wanted him to reach his potential, so I gave him medication, and you know what? He just made straight A’s on his progress report. Then, I became a single mom and realized that sometimes my own body’s need and desire for sleep was just as important as everybody else’s and it was easier to throw the kids in the bed with me rather than getting up to put them back in their own bed in the middle of the night. Now, instead of lamenting the fact that, oh, my God, my kids sleep in my bed sometimes, I smile when I wake up and see their beautiful, sweet (and quiet!) angelic little faces. Now that I’m a mom I also totally understand the whole Jekyll and Hyde thing, a sleeping kid versus a kid just beginning to wake up. . . But, I think I am one lucky woman to have such beautiful little boys.
Before I became a mom, I didn’t realize that I had the power to take away someone’s hurt or bad dreams. But now I do, and that is such an amazing thing. Me? Supermom? Conquering monsters and bad guys with a single hug or kiss? Really?? Yep, that’s me.
These are not nearly all of the random thoughts I have on being a mom, but they are really all I have time for, because I must go wake the sleeping dragons from their slumber in my bed.