By: Roshanda Pratt
What is a deal breaker for you? Maybe it is more than one thing? Earlier this year I learned a great lesson about something I like to call “Non-negotiables.” It is anything you are not willing to compromise, an idea in which you have made an “inner vow” never to break no matter what.
What is an “inner vow” you ask? We all have them. It is the deal you make with yourself internally concerning a matter. But let’s talk about these “Non-negotiables.” Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives one of the definitions of Negotiable as “open to discussion or dispute”. Therefore, we can say Non-Negotiable is the opposite of the Merriam-Webster’s definition. What is not open to discussion or dispute in your life? This is what I mean. As a twenty-something woman trying to find my purpose and on the road to self discovery I learned I had some very damaging behavior that needed self-correcting ASAP! I had people in my life who were negative, did not support, I dated guys for all, and I do mean all the wrong reasons and personally at the core I did not like myself very much. Of course, in the process I developed a closer, deeper more meaningful relationship with Christ and that made all the difference.
But I also started to look at who I was and where I wanted to go. I let go those relationships that were harmful, I changed my mind, thoughts about relationships and men and I started to LOVE me after all, I could not love anyone if I did not enjoy and like me first. I can truly say as a thirty-something I do not have any negative people in my inner circle. Seriously! Please notice what I said. I do not have any negative people in my inner circle; these are the people who are close to me and my dreams. I love me and I honor my core values. I let no one allow me to compromise those things. My inner vow: I am NOT going back to what or who I use to be! If I feel you may take me there, I give you your walking papers.
So again, I ask you what are the “Non-negotiables” in your life and who is holding you accountable to them? My daddy would tell me all the time growing up in his Caribbean accent, “If you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything.”
I have made it a point to review my list of “deal breakers” to make sure I am staying true to them in every area of my life, even in marriage. Now what you must understand these “deal breakers” were not rooted in selfishness. For example, I make it a point not surround myself with negative people. I may try to pull them out of their pit of despair; however, I do not associate with them on a daily basis. Why? I can’t allow their negativity to affect my life. And as I have learned there are some people in life who just aim to do you no good.
If you do not have a list of “Non-negotiables” I would suggest you do. Remember what you allow in your life right now is only there because, well, you allow it. Figure out what you want; where you won’t compromise; and stick to it. Trust me, there will be less drama and your life would be in clear focus!